This blog begins my series on family estrangement. I hope to talk about topics and issues that parents, grandparents and anyone who loves and cares for them find interesting and more importantly useful. Being useful is important to me.
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, and now practice as a coach/consultant working with parents /grandparents estranged from their children. I have a particular focus on mothers (which I will talk about in another blog). My practice focuses on helping and supporting parents and grandparents through the treacherous terrain of estrangement from their adult children and grandchildren. The parents and grandparents that seek professional help are those who desperately want reconciliation with their children and grandchildren. Short of that they seek peace and acceptance and ways to cope. They Invest a significant amount of their time, money and themselves in this arduous and isolating process. They persist despite the challenge, and I admire them for that.
They wonder aloud: “What did I do wrong?” or “What can I do to make it right?”. They look for answers,information, solutions, remedies, professional help….anything to mend fences. There is no magic wand. Life’s greatest challenges require time, patience, resiliency and luck, and in the case of parental estrangement, a lot of love, too.
What do these estranged parents want? They do not want anything of material value. Like any loving parent or grandparent they want time with their family. They want to help and support their loved ones in any way that enhances the lives of the generations that succeed them. They want to enjoy their time with them, champion their successes, soften their falls and witness their lives. Simply put, they want to love and be loved by their family in a way appropriate to their stage of the family life cycle.
I would not wish estrangement from one’s adult child(ren) on anyone. I witness and hold space for the excruciating pain and suffering of parents and grandparents whose family roles are carefully circumscribed or worse, who have been dismissed from their role in their family of creation. I speak as a professional, and a parent estranged from her adult child(ren). I know.
Life is difficult, yes. However, the impact of parental estrangement takes on a special category all its own. It’s a gut punch for sure. For me, estrangement has been one big sour lemon. Working to help parents,grandparents and families heal is my way of making lemonade out of lemons. I want to help other parents and grandparents learn how to make lemonade. Ultimately, I want to help make the world a better place one family at a time. So, drink up!
